Maybe
by NothingHurt111
Summary: The Maybe  Next to Normal  Scene through the eyes of Natalie


"_Where's mom?"_

_I voiced the question to the hunched figure in the chair in front of me, although I already knew the answer that would follow. I waited in the silence as he wiped a few stray tears from his eyes, and I could tell he was bracing himself for the moment of acceptance he soon would have to face._

"_Gone."_

_**Four Hours Earlier…..**_

I took another glance at the sickening green glow of the clock radio as the rain shifted to a soft, cool mist. I played with a loose string on the bottom of my navy blue dress as I debated in my head whether to get out of the car. According to the clock, it was 8 o'clock, exactly two hours since I had dropped my mom off at Dr. Madden's.

I finally decided that enough was enough, and I should go and check on her, to make sure she was okay. Deep down I knew I was only going in to see if she would let me go to the spring formal tonight. Part of me ached for the normalcy that the dance would bring; the chance to be with Henry, to finally tell him what I feel. The other part of me was too scared to even admit that I was ready to let him in.

I opened the door to the waiting room quietly, but soon realized it was deserted, save for the petite woman in the corner. She was staring straight ahead at a painting mounted on the wall, lost deep in a train of thought, eyes fixed pointedly on the bowl of fruit in the middle of the canvas.

"So, what'd he say?" I broke my mother's concentration. She turned to me slowly. I could see the mascara stains on her cheeks.

"He said I could go back on the meds, get more ECT." Her voice was raw and tender. She looked so fragile and sallow I was afraid she would shatter under this pressure.

"So what are you going to do?" I matched the soft tone of voice she had used earlier. I really didn't want to know the answer. I was scared to know the answer.

"I'm going to take you to your dance." Her face stayed the same as mine morphed into one of confusion. I went to protest when she cut me off.

"It's time you started thinking about your own happiness."

"It's not happiness." I quickly snapped back at her. "It's Henry." I looked down at my black Mary Jane's, trying to block the fact that my brain was telling me that the happiness and Henry was the same thing.

"You love him."

I kept looking down to hide my angry look from her. She was bringing up ideas I was too broken to deal with. Love. Henry. Happiness.

I didn't know how to deal with the amount of the emotions and anger running through my mind. "Mom." I gave her a hard glare as my last shred of composure fell away. "YOU CAN'T JUST WALK OUT ON YOUR DOCTOR."

Her face contained the same pale composure as before.

"Maybe I've lost it at last. Maybe my last lucid moment has passed." She kept her hands in her pocket and spoke in a clear monotone. "I'm dancing with death I suppose. But really, who knows?" She gave a small shrug. I stood there trying to process what was going on.

"Maybe I'm tired of the game. Of coming up short of the rules, of the shame. And maybe you feel that way too." I did. I was tired of all of this. Then she said the one phrase that I had spent the entire 16 years of my existence trying to prevent.

"I see me in you."

I couldn't take it. I turned on the spot, hiding my face quickly so she couldn't see the tears fall from my eyes. How, after everything I've done to detach myself from her, did she manage to find some sort of a connection between us? I was nothing like her.

"A girl full of anger and hope. A girl with a mother who just couldn't cope."

I knew she was right. Somewhere within my heart I knew what she was saying was 100 percent true. I just didn't have the strength to accept it.

"A girl who felt caught. And thought that no one could see."

The Invisible Girl. She knew I was feeling this way. Why didn't she do anything?

"And maybe one day she'll be free."

I could hear her breath catch in her throat. I froze.

_Free. Freedom. _I've never thought of that before. Freedom from all of this. I looked into my mother's eyes. I could see the eminent goodbye behind them. We both knew it was coming.

"It's so lovely that you're sharing, no really-I'm all ears. BUT WHERE HAS ALL THIS CARING BEEN FOR SIXTEEN YEARS."

I always thought I was invisible to her.

"For all those years I prayed that you'd go away for good."

"Half the time afraid that you really would." The last bit of placid composure on my mother's face melted away with the new wave of tears that followed.

"When I thought you might be dying, I cried for all we'd never be. But they'll be no more crying." I stopped. Everything seemed to click in my mind. This was the goodbye that both of us needed. The closure could bring a new life for both of us.

"Not for me." I was full out sobbing at this point. I felt as though 16 years of thoughts had poured out of my mouth in a few poignant sentences.

"Things will get better you'll see." My mom reached out for a comforting hug but I flinched away. I knew that if she gave me one I wouldn't be able to let go. And that's what we both needed. To let go.

"I don't believe you."

"We tried to give you a normal life." She gave a pitiful laugh. "I realize now I have no clue what that is."

With the tears from my eyes dried and my head clear again, I looked my mother in the eyes, and grabbed both her hands in mine.

"I don't need a life that's normal. That's way too far away. But something next to normal would be okay." I spoke not only to her, but to myself as well. I finally could admit out loud that I don't need the perfect white-picket fence family I had been dreaming about for all this time.

"Yes, something next to normal, that's the thing I'd like to try. Close enough to normal, to get by." That was all we needed. To learn to pick up the pieces and get by in whatever means possible.

"We'll get by." My mom pulled me into a tight hug, and this time I didn't resist. I put every ounce of buried love I had into this hug. I knew after this it would be goodbye. Not goodbye forever, but long enough for both of us to begin to live the lives we deserved to have.

"We'll get by." The words barely got out in a whisper. My mother dropped my hands, and we stood facing each other. The feeling of separation was till palpable in the air, but so was the feeling of hope. I no longer felt the need to hang onto the mother-daughter bond with every ounce of strength I had. It was the calm after the storm, the peace we were both waiting for.

A silence filled the lobby in which we were standing. I didn't know what to say. I grew so accustomed to living every day like I was dying that I didn't know what to do when I had the chance to breathe.

It was my mother who broke the silence, uttering with a small smile the five small words that set in motion my new beginning.

"Now go to your dance."

**I hope you guys liked it. Reviews are the best; I'm really looking to improve my writing skills. **

**I don't own any of the lyrics or the storyline to next to normal.**


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